An empath like myself is terrified they might become dangerous and harm someone. They might think I was dangerous or crazy.
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I tried my best to hide it, but my parents could tell I was upset. Still, I never told them what I was thinking. Instead, I just swallowed the panic and charged on as well as I could.
What if I got on this train car and assaulted that little kid on his way to school? What if I contracted genital warts and passed it on to the woman I was dating and she developed cervical cancer? Better take a different train, better go to the free clinic, just to be sure.
It was so intimidating to try and explain the thoughts to someone else. I sat there before a kind therapist and told my secrets to someone for the first time. Mercifully, he understood, offering empathy and professional support. It was a massive relief.
Still, this therapist was not an expert in OCD, particularly the more subtle kind I had. I remained anxious and haunted by thoughts of hurting people. In desperation, I searched the Internet for some story that sounded like mine. And then, after years, I finally found one.
Pure O is all in the mind. An empath like myself is terrified they might become dangerous and harm someone. A devoutly religious person is haunted by blasphemous thoughts. I could relate to all of that. The thoughts and panic remained, but at least I was no longer completely alone. Pure O, I learned, is pernicious and hard to shake, but thankfully straightforward to treat.
I was lucky to find a cognitive behavioral therapist specializing in Pure O therapy. Treatment was scary and grueling, but my therapist believed in me and I refused to give in. My therapist coached me to lean into an intrusive thought when it popped up, advising me to relish the gory details while I sat through the panic to get to the other side. Every time one tries to shake their intrusive thoughts, it only makes them stronger, confirming that the body was right to respond with panic, fueling an ever-amplifying cycle of anxiety.
Over a couple years, my therapist and I worked our way up, intensifying the exposures. I found a news article about children being abused, and read it every day. By exposing myself to these thoughts, and sitting through the fire of panic until it subsided, I learned to manage my Pure O. Though I know life and its tragedies can propel a Pure O sufferer back into a cycle of intrusive thoughts, avoidance and panic, I still feel confident that I now have the skills to manage something like that.
Next HOCD or denial please help? First of all let me say I have no attraction towards girls, and I never have. I have extremely low self-esteem and have never kissed a boy. Even when im asked out i am terrified and always say no. I've had OCD concerning death, and the thought of someone always watching me. IT has been lasting a month.
Out of no where I was like "What if I'm gay? I'm always terrified that If im out with a friend people will think we're on a date, and I feel sick.
I've been avoiding my friends and all girls in general. I am afraid that i feel attracted to every girl, including like 3 yr olds and even my mom. I get a weird feeling down there told its anxiety when i think of girls so i try to think of guys. It's only lasted a month but it's been the worst.