In this day and age, with HIV being so common in the gay community, I told him my story, starting with how I met the person who infected me, taking him. In , FS magazine surveyed over gay men living with HIV. 94% of these men .. A lot of gay men will avoid dating an HIV-positive guy.”. The HIV-Positive Person's Guide to Sex and Dating, Part One. Your sex life If someone's not accepting of my HIV status, it's a dealbreaker. If they want some Some of the hottest people at your local gay bar have HIV.
Dating someone who is hiv positive gay - Serosorting is obsolete in the age of undetectable=untransmittable. (read more below)
What if his mother is horrible? Or… What if he rejects me for my HIV-positive status? Learning which risks are unavoidable and which are optional is something crucial for us to do when swimming in the dating pool. Protection from possible disease, including HIV, should be on the mind of every single gay man. However, the risk of dating someone who is HIV-positive is severely misunderstood.
You may think that dating an HIV-positive man increases your risk of infection. In fact, it likely does the opposite.
If your prospective mate has the gumption to disclose his positive status before the first round of cocktails, you can be certain that he has taken steps to protect your negative status. In fact, the positive man must protect himself even more, to safeguard his health from pesky ancillary viruses. For him, that means avoiding those question marks at all costs.
For you, well…an HIV-positive man who is in treatment and is determined by his physician to have an undetectable viral load has reduced your risk to the smallest statistical possibility. Of course, condom use should be nonnegotiable in any dating scenario. But a man who is up front with his status should put you at ease. After all, he showed you his cards. It can come with a variety of challenges, but I believe the power lies in how you handle those challenges.
Now that I am back in the dating world again, I do come across more fears when dating someone who's HIV negative or of unknown status than I do when dating other positives. Important questions come up like: When's the right time to disclose? Will he treat me differently?
Will he think I'm leading him on if I don't tell him on the first date? How important should I consider this date to be? Will he be uncomfortable kissing me or having sex with me? If I get sick, will he support me? If he feels he can't date me, should I keep him as a friend? The list goes on and on! These are valid things to think about while dating anyone, but I try not to stress out over them because stress doesn't help anyone grow.
It just kills T-cells! It can be refreshing for people with HIV to date others with HIV because they don't have to worry about rejection or fear. For me, there is a heavy weight lifted off of my shoulders when I'm dating and being sexual with another HIV-positive person.
When I'm with someone who already knows he's positive, we can relate to each other and bond in a way that's very attractive, comfortable, and supportive. There's also less worry about infecting the other person, and that can increase intimacy. I feel a different sense of freedom -- I joke about my status and I let down my guard. Safer sex is still encouraged for HIVpositive couples because there's a risk of re-infection superinfection , which can lead to both people becoming resistant to one another's HIV meds.
But the fear of infection is not present when the relationship moves from dating to sex. But some question the idea of "sticking to your own kind". Could that be a form of internalized HIV stigma? Segregating yourself -- dating only those who are "like you" -- eliminates getting to know people for who they are inside and prevents you from exploring all your options in the dating scene.
It's often preached in our community that we should be able to fall in love with anyone regardless of race, class, gender, sexuality, or even HIV status. It's definitely possible to date someone who doesn't have the same HIV status, and to be very happy with that person. As I mentioned before, the best relationship I ever had was with someone who was negative.
HIV-negative guys find me sexy -- I can't help it! Whether it is better to date someone with the same status or a different status is really up to you. I've often heard that this choice is influenced by the disclosure experiences people have. Some folks are open to the world about being positive and mention it on the first date, while others are very private and would rather share their status only on a "need-to-know" basis -- say, if they are having sex that could be risky.
People are at different places when it comes to accepting it and talking about it -- and that's okay. There are pros and cons to disclosing immediately or waiting until later, but my advice would be to make sure to have a clear and direct conversation when you do decide to tell.
The Dr. Is In: Looking for love when you’re living with HIV
Personal Perspective: Dating and Disclosing :
If anything, it just makes us more open to new ways of enjoying it. Sites like POZ Personals and options on dating apps have made it much easier to let an interested suitor know you status by reading your profile. He might, or might not, use a dating site, a dating company, have, or not have, a personal ad somewhere. People living with HIV understand that you may have fears or trepidations, especially if this is your first time dating someone with HIV that you know about.